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Today I'm trying out dVerse's Haibun Monday exercise. A Haibun is 1-3 paragraphs of meditation on a subject, followed by a seasonal haiku. This is my first attempt at anything in this form, and I love trying new things! Any constructive criticism is welcome. Fear Haibun
There is a joy in keeping the mind clear, the keen edge of life. But there is also the glory of the fuzz; of not being clear, of being melty in the abstract. Warm and cozy, the personification of a fireplace in winter and not any other season. But warm and cozy contribute nothing more than what they are. So is it willpower, staying fresh, when freshness is not always welcome? Even if it maybe should be? There is a fear in not knowing which I'd prefer. Would I rather be asleep, and am I better conversation when I'm dreaming? am I a petal rushing through the air? or just floating in a stream?
6 Comments
4/17/2017 04:46:26 pm
Interesting question at the end about being better conversation when dreaming. 4/17/2017 05:44:00 pm
to sleep? to dream? Excellent first attempt! You did an excellent job on this. Only thing - in the haiku - no punctuation except for the "-" to separate thoughts. Otherwise, spot on and an interest question. the haiku is more senryu than haiku but totally appropriate for the ending of this haibun. 4/17/2017 06:14:25 pm
The question now is, are you asleep or awake? Perhaps you think you're fuzzy and warm in front of the fire place and you're really asleep. That's an excellent point of view. Your verse makes me ponder, am I awake typing or lying on the beach somewhere asleep. I hope it's the latter. lol 4/18/2017 08:04:55 am
Ah, methinks the secret lies in balance between the two! Great first effort. Rachel, I am not sure this is about 'fear'. Or perhaps I am just dulled this morning. Happens. there is one sentence relating to your concern of fear, but I almost missed it. However, for your first time, you did well. I found haibun difficult in the beginning..mine are generally too long. However, I think you got the essence of haibun form in that I have read some ancient Japanese writers who pose the same issue: real or dreams....Best! Jane
Gayle Walters Rose
4/19/2017 06:40:52 pm
Interesting ponderings that I think many of us do especially as we get older. I just hope I'm happily oblivious to whether or not I'm awake or in a dream if my mind seeks to wander off. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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AuthorRachel Rosenberg; poetlawyer Archives
September 2017
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